BE TRUE TO YOURSELF ... AND TO OTHERS

By Antoinette Rainone

       This blog is dedicated to helping people find their passion(s) in life and encouraging them to live their dreams.  As we surf the web, scan thousands of channels, and glance at the covers of consumer magazines, we encounter many stories of “successful” people who appear to be “living their dreams.”

        Many of us even try to emulate these smiling, beautiful, fashionable, wealthy, “successful” people.

        I’d like to clarify that “finding your wings” is not necessarily being “successful” – at least in terms of what a lot of people consider successful.

        “Successful” doesn’t mean looking amazing because you dangerously dropped 100 pounds in two weeks. “Successful” doesn’t mean getting a promotion to a “dream job” or a high position ... if you had to throw your friends under the bus in order to get it. 

         Most people who are truly living their dreams are not people you see on the cover of magazines. They are not the stars of “reality shows.” They are not guests on popular talk shows.

        They are moms who have given up the “partner track” at the law firm in order to spend more time raising their children.

        They are the dads who shuffle their schedules so they can coach their children’s little league teams.

         They are the teenagers who take time away from social media in order to visit elderly people at a nearby nursing home.

         They are people who have found real meaning in life and who choose to live with integrity, love, and respect.

Finding your wings IS NOT…

      …Being perfect.

      …Compromising your morals and ethics.

      …Getting what you want, at any cost.

      …Being super competitive and cutthroat to ‘make it to the top.’

      …Getting promoted by backstabbing your friends, then ditching them

      for a new inner circle.

      …Dazzling the paparazzi at charity fundraisers.

      …Grabbing everyone's attention to show how far you’ve come, baby.

Finding your wings IS…

      …Finding your purpose in life and living it with passion.

      …Getting healthy – not skinny.

      …Finding inner joy.

      …Spreading seeds of love in your everyday life.

      …Cultivating real friendships.

      …Volunteering – behind the scenes – at a soup kitchen.

      …Making a meaningful difference in your family, community, 

      workplace and world.

     True success often does not translate into material wealth. Although it's possible to attain riches, material wealth is never the purpose of someone living her life’s passion. If that passion brings money, fine. If it doesn’t, fine. She’ll do it either way.

     True success is invisible. True success takes place within ourselves.

     When we find our purpose in life, we find joy. And that joy lives inside of us and expresses itself with a smiling soul.

      Be true to yourself … and to others.

      Find your wings…at any age.

THE OLYMPICS … AND THE TRUE SPIRIT OF SUCCESS

By Antoinette Rainone

     The Winter Olympics are upon us once again. I love watching so many extremely talented young people and hearing all the stories of dedication and the many sacrifices they have all endured to reach their Olympian dreams.

     To make it to the Olympics – what an amazing accomplishment!

     And yet, the general attitude surrounding the Olympics is all about “going for the Gold.” As if winning a Silver or a Bronze isn’t good enough. As if getting to the Olympics in the first place isn't amazing enough. Are you kidding?

      How about these amazing athletes who are competing extremely well – and doing their very best – who do not win a medal at all?

     Here’s a newsflash for every single athlete who has ever competed in the Olympics:

      “Olympian, you are amazing – medal or not!”

      There is something scary about this drive for perfection – at all costs. That drive always comes at a cost. But you won't hear these stories broadcasted.

      These are the hidden stories.

      Stories of star athletes suffering from post-Olympics depression, and even suicide. 

      I got to thinking about these “stories behind the glories” we see on TV after I learned of a young woman named Maddie who recently committed suicide. 

      Maddie was not in the Olympics, but she was a local sports star who had achieved All-State honors for both soccer and track. Her intelligence matched her athletic prowess, and she had just begun to attend an Ivy League university as a triple major.  

      Maddie was living her dreams. 

      But, something snapped. Maddie had gotten a 3.5 average during her first semester. She was not pleased with that average or with herself. 

      Maddie was accustomed to acing everything. She strove for perfection in her studies and her sports. She felt she was not achieving what she should have been achieving. In her mind, she fell short. 

      One day last month, Maddie bought presents for her family and wrote them a letter. Then she jumped off a building, plunging to her death. 

      Living your dreams is not supposed to lead to suicide.

      I thought about all the Olympian athletes who constantly strive for perfection. I thought about the ones who don't get the Gold. I thought about the ones who come home empty-handed.

     A little research on Google lead me to find there are many Olympian athletes suffering from depression. And yes, there are those who commit suicide. 

    Rhadi Ferguson, a 2004 Olympian and four-time National Judo Champion, is talking about it.  

    "Look, the very real fact of the matter is that many of us were depressed after the Olympics," Ferguson wrote on his blog. "Some of us got help. Some of us didn't. Many of us were depressed and just passed it off as 'post Olympic blues'...but the fact of the matter is this -- we were depressed. ...We need to just keep it real and really talk about the Olympics, the sacrifices that we make and how it feels to go to the games and come back home, sometimes empty-handed."

     Ferguson went on to write about Elena Ivashchenko,a Judoka who committed suicide last June. "She fell into a depression after her poor performance at the 2012 Games in London."

     And another young woman.

     "A few years ago, Austrian Judoka Claudia Heill also committed suicide due to depression," writes Ferguson. "Claudia won a silver medal in 2004 and placed 5th in 2008 (which, in the sport of Judo, means she lost the bronze medal match in the finals)."

     Ferguson, who teaches Introduction to Sports Science at the University of Central Florida, summed up the sad phenomena:

     "When you push the envelope for high performance and expectation, monumental things can occur. Some of them great, and some of them disastrous. But the person is never, ever the same. Never."

     The purpose of my blog is to encourage all of us to live our dreams. But never at the expense of joy.  

     If your "passion in life" is ever making you sick or depressed, get help. Talk to someone you trust. It's OK to take a break from your passion. You need to put everything in your life in balance. 

     If your "passion in life" takes your joy out of life, leave it. It may be a temporary departure, or permanent. You will find out. You need to find yourself. And you don't need to be perfect.   
     Stay tuned for further posts where I will write about how to stay true to yourself. 

     Remember: Living your dreams means to be filled with joy. Living your dreams is not about being perfect. None of us will ever be perfect.

Find your wings ... at any age.

Are you a trailblazer?

Dare to dream the impossible dream

By Antoinette Rainone

     As a coordinator of an art contest in my son’s school, I poured over dozens of student submissions pertaining to their dreams … what inspires them, who they want to become when they grow up. 

     Amanda’s drawing stood out. The fourth-grader drew a portrait of herself on a baseball field. But not just any baseball field. A Major League baseball field.

     Is there something wrong with this picture?

     No. In fact, there’s everything RIGHT with this picture.

     Amanda wants to be a Big League baseball player. And why not? Isn’t it about time the Majors got with the program and opened their tryouts to include women?

     Someone has to be a ‘first.’ History is full of ‘firsts.’

     On April 15, 1947, Jackie Robinson became the first African American to play in the Majors when the Brooklyn Dodgers started him at first base.

     On June 18, 1983, Sally Ride became the first American woman to journey into space as a NASA astronaut, blasting into orbit on the shuttle Challenger.

     Both Jackie and Sally were ‘firsts’ who paved the way for many others to follow their dreams. They became role models – true icons – who opened the doors of opportunity and showed us we truly do live in a world of endless possibilities.

     They were trailblazers who dared to dream the impossible dream. The world would not be the same without them.

     It’s never easy becoming a ‘first.’ Persistence and perseverance are key. Besides studying navigation, physics, astronomy, math, meteoroloy and computers, Sally was committed to rigorous physical training. She jumped from parachutes, practiced water survival, and trained in gravity and weightlessness exercises. All these skills helped Sally when she finally rode into space.

     It’s also never easy being a ‘first.’ There will always be people who oppose you. Even after Jackie had ‘made it,’ he faced a real threat every time he stepped up to the plate. Opposing pitchers threw at him all the time. But Jackie’s reflexes were good, and he dodged those mean-hurling fast balls aimed at his body. Fact is, Jackie didn’t let those hurls get him down. He kept stepping up to the plate, inning after inning, game after game.

     The world awaits many more firsts. The first woman U.S. president. The first astronaut to walk on Mars. The first scientist to develop a cure for Alzheimer’s.

      The first woman to bat in the Big Leagues.

      It all begins with a dream. Then it continues with a deep and unwavering belief in yourself to attain that dream.

      Amanda is halfway to making her dream a reality. She has already envisioned herself holding that bat, standing on that field, waiting for that pitch. As Sally Ride once said, “You can’t be what you can’t see.”

      You can do it, Amanda. CREAM IT! And as you get older, and start receiving advice from well-meaning adults, never lose sight of that ball. My hope is that you frame your portrait and hang it on your bedroom wall to inspire you every day. Keep your dream – and your passion to break barriers – alive in your heart, in all you do.

      Oh, and, Amanda, please save me a ticket when you make your Big League debut. My dream is to be the first writer to interview the first woman Major League baseball player.

       Find your wings … at any age.

FIVE TIPS FOR KEEPING YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

By ANTOINETTE RAINONE

  

   Ah, the new year. Time for that mental image of a clean slate and starting anew.

   Many of us think of making resolutions and getting organized.

   What are your resolutions this year? Do any of them have to do with living your dreams? Finding your life passion? Feeling more fulfilled? Falling in love with life?

   Why not make 2014 the year you do something you’ve always dreamed of?

   When you pinpoint that special something, get organized in order to make it happen. You can begin by making a list of everything you need to do to work toward making your dream a reality.

   1 — Research. Find out what special requirements you’ll need in order to fulfill your dream.

   2 — Break it down. Write down the steps you need to take to accomplish your dream. This makes achieving your dream manageable, not overwhelming.

   3 — Create a special dream calendar. Customize your very own calendar (paper or electronic) that you use exclusively for writing all your to-dos related to fulfilling your dream.

   A customized calendar is important for two reasons. First, you don't really want a calendar of your life's dreams and passions cluttered with your schedule of bill payments and dental appointments, do you? 

   And second, you can customize a calendar with your own photos and artwork that relate to your dream. These will serve as visual reminders of your dreams on a daily basis.

   It's also simple to do. One way is to download and print a free 2014 calendar template at Calendarpedia, then customize with your own pictures.

   4 — Commit to one goal a month. Each month, do at least one thing that pertains to living your dream. Looking at your dream calendar every day will help keep you motivated.

   5 — Live your dream, day by day. As you do things on your list, written and illustrated in your special calendar, remember, you ARE already living your dream. The journey is just as important as the destination.

   Find your wings … at any age.

 

ONE SOLITARY LIFE

Here is a man who was born in an obscure village, 
the child of a peasant woman. 
He grew up in another village. 
He worked in a carpenter shop until He was thirty. 
Then for three years He was an itinerant preacher.

He never owned a home. 
He never wrote a book. 
He never held an office. 
He never had a family. 
He never went to college. 
He never put His foot inside a big city. 
He never traveled two hundred miles from the place He was born. 
He never did one of the things that usually accompany greatness. 
He had no credentials but Himself...

While still a young man, the tide of popular opinion turned against him. 
His friends ran away. 
One of them denied Him. 
He was turned over to His enemies. 
He went through the mockery of a trial. 
He was nailed upon a cross between two thieves. 
While He was dying His executioners gambled for the only piece of property 
He had on earth – His coat. 

When He was dead, 
He was laid in a borrowed grave through the pity of a friend.
Nineteen long centuries have come and gone, 
and today He is a centerpiece of the human race 
and leader of the column of progress.

I am far within the mark when I say that all the armies that ever marched, 
all the navies that were ever built,
all the parliaments that ever sat and all the kings that ever reigned, 
put together, 
have not affected the life of man upon this earth as powerfully as has that 
one solitary life.

This essay was adapted from a sermon by Dr. James Allan Francis in “The Real Jesus and Other Sermons” © 1926 by the Judson Press of Philadelphia (pp. 123-124 titled “Arise Sir Knight!”).

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE...

'I'M GONNA BUILD THINGS!'

WHEN DID GEORGE BAILEY FIND HIS WINGS?

BY ANTOINETTE RAINONE

 

It’s that wonderful time of year again. Time to sip hot cocoa on a snowy evening and watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” with my family. As simple as this seems, slipping into a cozy evening at home – watching my favorite Christmas movie with my favorite people – is like living a dream.

For George Bailey, however, staying home was anything but a dream. He was chronically  frustrated because he had given up his life's dreams to stay in Bedford Falls.

But, this year as I watched again, I wondered. Did George really give up his dreams?

It seems that way. In the scene where George is walking Mary home from the high-school dance, he says:

“I’m shakin’ the dust of this crummy little town off my feet and I’m gonna see the world. Italy, Greece, the Parthenon, the Colosseum. Then, I’m comin’ back here to go to college and see what they know. And then I’m gonna build things. I’m gonna build airfields, I’m gonna build skyscrapers a hundred stories high, I’m gonna build bridges a mile long…”

George never does any of the things he dreamed about. And not only does George not see the world, he never ventures outside his hometown!

George lives a life, in fact, which seems antithetical to the purpose of this blog – to find your wings … to discover your passions … to fulfill your life’s dreams and desires … to go for it… at any age!

So how can “It’s a Wonderful Life” be my favorite Christmas movie?

Let's answer these key questions.

1 — Was George forced to stay in Bedford Falls?

2 — Was he a victim of circumstance, or did George make choices based on a deeper, perhaps hidden life passion?

 3 – Were the things George talked about (world travel, college, building bridges), really his dreams?

Let’s look at George’s reactions to several key life circumstances:

1 — Death of Pa Bailey: George was about to go on a trip to Europe when his father dies. George didn’t go, but he could have. George could have postponed his trip until some time after the funeral. He chooses, instead, to stay and take care of his father’s business, the Bailey Building and Loan Association.

2 — George walks away from two money-making opportunities: Sam Wainwright offers George a chance to invest in a phenomenal new product called plastics. George, instead, chooses to dedicate his time at the Building and Loan. Then, Mr. Potter, a slumlord and chief shareholder at the Building and Loan, offers George a high-paying job along with trips to Europe — part of George’s “dream.” George chooses not to take the offer and, in fact, runs away from it as fast as he can when he realizes Potter’s plans to take over Bedford Falls.

George could have said “yes” to either of these money-making opportunities. And, if he had, he would have acquired the means to travel around the world and attend college to study engineering. He could have “lived his dreams.”

3 — George marries Mary. But he didn’t have to. In the early scene where he tells Mary what he wants to do in life, his plans don’t include her. They are all about George, George, George. He could have said his last good-byes to her the night he walked her home from the dance. But, in the end, George listens to his heart, not his head.

George’s choices are guided by the convictions of his heart — ones he may not have even known existed at the time he proclaimed, early on, that he was going to “shake the dust of this crummy little town.”

What are George’s core convictions?

Before facing the frightened and angry crowd during the bank-run scene, George looks at his father’s portrait.  Underneath it are the words: “All you can take with you is that which you’ve given away.” This phrase is the foundation of George’s core convictions throughout all aspects of his life:

1 — Marrying Mary is more important than a trip around the world.

2 — People’s lives and livelihoods matter more than a honeymoon trip.

3 — Upholding his father’s ideals is more important than high-paying jobs.

4 — Serving his community and saving it from evil forces and destruction are more important than making a fortune.

5 — Selling his soul for a high-paying job is never an option.

6 — Living a life of sacrifice for the benefit of others is 100 times more fulfilling than one based on selfish motives.

Ready for the crux of the movie? George’s guardian angel, Clarence, shows George how life in his community would have turned out — not only if George had never lived — but if George had left Bedford Falls to “live his dreams.”

If George had left Bedford Falls to travel the world and build airfields and skyscrapers and bridges...then:

1 – The Bailey Building and Loan would have collapsed and people would have lost their life savings.

2 – Mary would have lived a lonely life.

3 – The old house George and Mary bought and raised a family in would have remained in ruins.

4 – Bedford Falls would have become a honky-tonk Pottersville – the result of a greedy and evil leader.

5 – There would have been no Pete, Janie, Tommy and Zuzu.

6 – Clarence would never have gotten his wings.

And now are you ready for the super-crux of the movie?

Without knowing it – or perhaps knowing it on a subconscious level – George does fulfill his life’s dream, only in different ways. 

George said he was “gonna build things” – and he did.

He built a family and home life.

He built bridges between people and their life savings. 

He built ways for the people to keep their life savings.

He built so many friendships they could fill hundreds of airfields.

He built a life of service to others as tall as a skyscraper and saved a community he loved from collapse. 

He built a life based on character, integrity and honor.

He built a wonderful life.

In the end, Clarence finds his wings because he helped George realize he had found his wings all along …

Find your wings … at any age.

FIVE TIPS FOR LIVING YOUR DREAMS

BY ANTOINETTE RAINONE

      When I was in high school, there was a violinist in our string ensemble who played notes as if he were playing from a cloud. He played with such precision and passion, his interpretation of the music melted your heart. 

      During his senior year, I asked him what he was going to do in college. 

      “I’m going to be a business major.” 

      The words sunk in my heart.

      Business. Major.

      I understand he may have had a flair for business. I understand there needs to be businessmen in this world – if that’s your passion. I also understand people need to make money, and he, being a male, perhaps had felt the pressure to do so even more. 

      Yet, in my heart of hearts, I felt he wasn’t following his heart. I felt he was following someone else’s. 

      He had found his wings, then clipped them.

     How about you? Have you found yourself veering off track? Is there something you used to love to do, then stopped? Or is there something you’ve always wanted to do – and have never done it?

      It’s never too late to find your wings … either again, or for the first time.

      Here are five tips for getting in touch with your dreams – or getting reacquainted with long-lost dreams.

      1 – Get in touch with your innermost dreams.

      What do you truly love to do? Make a list of things you loved to do when you were younger. It doesn’t matter how “far-fetched” they seem. 

      Do you love to stargaze? Play the violin? Write poetry? Do you want to finish college? Travel to Antarctica? Photograph polar bears in Alaska?

      Think with your heart, not your head.

      2 – Listen to children.

      Listen and learn from the children in your life. Ask them what they want to be when they grow up. Notice how they are not inhibited by the “practicality” of a profession. Adults spend so much time teaching children, yet there is so much we can learn from them. 

      Listen to the things children want to be when they grow up: 

      First person on Mars. World explorer. Astronaut. Spiderman. First woman baseball player in the Major Leagues.

      There are no inhibitions. Let your list of desires flow!

      3 – Think in terms of a “bucket list”

      What are some things you’d love to do before leaving the earth? Would you like to go on an archaeological dig? Write a song? Swim with dolphins?

      Again, don’t be afraid to include “far-fetched” things. Say, for instance, you’ve always wanted to volunteer with Blessed Mother Teresa’s “Missionaries of Charities,” but, for whatever reason, cannot make the very long  flight to India. Don’t give up hope. Perhaps you can find a “Missionaries of Charities” near where you live and find out how you can help them.

      Where there’s a will, there’s always, always a way.

      4 – Do you have a strong desire to help people?

      People automatically think of the health professions for helping people. But, not everyone can be a doctor or a nurse. What are your talents? Figure out how those talents translate into helping people. 

      Are you funny? Do you make people laugh? You can write a comedy skit and share your flair for humor by performing for older people living in a nursing home.

      Laughter is the best medicine anyway!

      5 – Live your dream – every day, in some way.

      Set aside some time every day to do something you love, even if it’s only for a few minutes. That few minutes will eventually become a few hours. Depending on how much you truly want to do something you love, it could transform into a full-time endeavor. 

      Start slow, and build up. 

      I have a co-worker who takes vacation days on Fridays so he can visit MoMA in Manhattan when the museum offers free admission. This is a cost-effective way for him to spend time doing what he loves most – immersing himself in the world of art. Then, he takes this inspiration home to do great things with his own art. 

     As for the violinist from high school, perhaps he has revisited his music in some way. Who knows? Maybe he plays Nikolai Rimsky-Kosakov's "Scheherazade" for folks in a nursing home on weekends. Or maybe he has passed on his musical talent to his children. And maybe his children are living their dream. ...

      Find your wings … at any age.